Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
