We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
