Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
