Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize