and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
