why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize