Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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