If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it because I queefed?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
