in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
