I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
