he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
