Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
