Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
