Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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