girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
