Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
