I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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