I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
