Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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