Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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