I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
