Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize