You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
