He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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