I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
