After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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