you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
