Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize