Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
