So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
