Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
