Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
