they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
