i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You ruined the universe
Randomize