Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
