We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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