Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
