i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
