I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
