"it" just moved
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
