he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
