Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
