I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
