so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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