I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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