STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
