She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
