my phone needs a breathalizer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
