do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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