You're a womanizer and a bitch.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
