I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
