hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize