Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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