I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
