The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
