We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
