He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
