Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
