you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
