that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
