what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So much Jack, so little girl.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
