She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize