singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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