we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
