There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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