just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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