end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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