I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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