I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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