I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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