My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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