First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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