Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
