I faked an abortion last night.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
