oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
