dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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