dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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