Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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