shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
