The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
