Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
