Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
