Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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