It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
