Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
