You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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