I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize