dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
