I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
