i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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