Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize