paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
