Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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