I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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