i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
