his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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